Hospital Humming.

A 5:45 am moment.

A night shift.

A very restless and extremely confused patient.

A hymn hummed.

“Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found, was blind, but now I see. Twas’ grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed! Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; Tis’ grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home. When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shinning as the sun; We’ve known less days to sing of God’s praise than when we first began. Amen!”

I sat and watched as his eyes gently closed and each eyelash lightly fluttered. For a few minutes, I just patiently hummed the hymn and he eventually fell back asleep. In those wee hours of the morning, I watched him and thought of my friend who had done a similar thing for me. At the time, my body was weak and exhausted, yet she gently hummed the song, “This Is Amazing Grace.”

In that hospital room, I once again grasped the truth of the words hummed. Such, AMAZING GRACE evident in my life, those free and unmerited blessings and favour that dotted moments of this past year.

A year ago, I returned from Europe and said, “I will go back…” Why? In 2013 the trip celebrated the ending of a painful and even difficult chapter of life (seizure precautions and a broken engagement). Hence, I wanted to go back and celebrate a new chapter…. AMAZING GRACE restored!

In a few hours, I depart for Europe.  I cannot help, yet re-read the words of the hymn and listen to the song. Tis my prayer that in these coming weeks you and I may celebrate God’s AMAZING GRACE!

Charlene

So, I'm pregnant....and it hasn't been the easiest so far but, as much as my attitude REALLY sucks at times, I am still wanting to learn and grow with God's direction and guidance throughout this time.

One thing that has really stood out to me is knowing when to speak and when to listen.

Let me go a bit deeper into that broad statement.....I am a fixer. I want to fix problems, shed light on situations and share my opinion/thoughts but I need to realize that sometimes people aren't looking for that. For your answer to their issue, complaint or problem. Sometimes all they want is a listener.

I get that, trust me I do....just recently I called a really good friend of mine and kinda unloaded on her.

She. Just. Listened.

It was exactly what I needed at the time(so thank you dear friend if you ever read this).

I never want to be known as a "know it all" who always has an opinion.

I want to be the best version of Jesus that I can be to all my dear family, friends and acquaintances. I want God to direct when I speak and when I am silent....listening.

I'm gonna mess up, make some mistakes but my desire will always be the same, to be more and more like Jesus to those around me. I believe that should be the deepest desire of all, and in all areas. Let God correct(sucky sometimes, I know), let God guide(can be scary to let go), let God be your center and your all in all.

He has NEVER failed me....I have failed Him so many times and He never backs away from me and who I am. He is always wanting more of me and more from me.

I want to give Him more.....always.

Xo, TinaMarie

Surrender All

Question:How is your relationship with God?
                Is your desire for more of Him and less of you?
               Are you giving more and more pieces and parts of your life to Him?
What I'm getting at is....
               Are you in a relationship......or not?
I think sometimes we know the right things, say the right things and maybe even do the right things but is that all? Is that all there is too it....NO, most definitely not.
You need to be desiring more from God and pressing into Him. Giving everything that you have and all that you are over to Him. Desiring His will for your life above everything else and pursuing....always pursuing. He needs to be first in all things.
He has so much to give, to teach and we just need to ask. It's not enough to know the Bible, go to church and live a good life, you need more and God wants more.
Start now if you haven't and keep going if you have.....ask for more.
More Love, Joy, Peace,Patience, Wisdom, Strength, Discernment.....keep asking and keep pushing into Him. Go deeper, be bolder.
Absolutely every single part of you needs to be fully surrendered to God. Your future, your past, your family, your friends, your talents, your gifts.....everything. And it starts with something small....say, your day. Just giving your day to God but don't stop there.....keep taking those small steps and it becomes easier and easier to trust God with the bigger things....say, your family. It's time to put aside the old, the broken and the worn out and let the Perfect One take over. Little by little, bit by bit until your life is not your own. You were created for a reason and for a relationship with God your Heavenly Father. Let Him guide, direct and be the center of all.

Love you all and pray your desire for more will grow, TinaMarie

A few more verses for you guys to mull over ;)
Gal 2:20....I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Col 3-1-4....If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 
Prov 3:1-6....My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding
John 15:5....I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.

Hearing God's Voice-Part 1

Beauty and Starbucks Collide.

So, here I am sitting in Starbucks and reading “The Way I See It #83” upon my white paper cup.  I scan the words of Tiana Tozer, which states, “they told you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What they failed to tell you is that it is best seen with the eyes closed. What you look like isn’t important. What is important is who you are inside and the choices you are making in your life.”

Ironically, I can’t help but scan the table of those that sip their Starbucks lattes with me.  He sits slightly sunken in his chair. His mother is dying and only has a year to live.  Her eyes are blurry and distant. She is fighting the hangover from last night and the battle of alcoholism is consuming her.  He sits without any reaction. His addiction to porn is causing him to remove any form of emotion.  Her face is smiling ever so brightly with a ridged gap. Her teeth hide the hurt from the countless sexual and physical beatings by her own father.

I close my eyes…

Ironically, I can’t help but deeply inhale and consider the evidence of hurt that creates such beauty.  Truthfully, he may be watching his mother die, yet he is spending quality time with the one person he finds truly beautiful.  One day it will be his wife, but today it is mother.  She may be damaging her liver, yet she is aware of the choices and her willingness to change is a part of the beautiful victory.  One day she will inspire others to change, but today it is simply for herself. He may be ashamed and pride grips him, yet he voiced such beautiful words, “I want to be free.” One day he will be completely free, but today those five words speak of such beauty.  She may fear men, yet her courageous presence is captivating. One day she will smile ever so brightly without any fear, but today she is a reminder that beauty isn’t just what you see.

I open my eyes…

Ironically, I can’t help but smile.  For God created beauty in the very beginning. He expresses in Genesis 1: 31 that "he saw all that he had made, and it was VERY good." Beauty is a piece of God’s goodness, which sadly has been tainted by sin. As a result, I close my eyes again and see how Jesus beautifully restored the intended goodness of creation upon the cross.

In the completion of this Easter season, I am choosing to see the beauty that is often hidden. So, with my eyes closed I see TRUE beauty and it is breathtaking, captivating, and inspiring! 

In awe of God’s restoration of beauty,

Charlene

P.S. For “we delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty” (Mary Angelou).

Because He Loves Me Devo

Let Go {Raphah}

"Seriously, you just NEED to let go!"  My response, “easier said than done!”

You've heard that phrase and I have too. 

Other phrases such as, just move along, time to walk way and don't look back, run forward!  Even Disney's famous song from the movie Frozen is titled, "Let It Go!" 

But, than why is letting go so hard?

• Maybe a smudge of control?
• Maybe it is fear?
• Maybe lacking the ability to trust?
• Maybe deep hurt or resentment? 
• Or maybe simply the unknown? 

The verb raphah in Hebrew means to be still, to be weak, to let go, and to release. God boldly calls us to LET GO. Truthfully, He wants us to let go of everything that distracts us so that we can fully pursue him. A favorite Psalm clearly states, "be still and know that I am God." 

In May 2012, I found myself on my knees at 4am. I clearly recall the words, "just let go." In a place of stillness, I never imagined returning to a province that seemed so foreign and to let go of someone I deeply loved.

Yes, I let go...

Yet, I also gained...

Lately, I look around different environments that I am apart of and marvel at how much has been added post letting go and pursuing raphah.

• I can call Alberta home
• I can drive again
• I can see pieces of restoration
• I can write
• I can survive transition!
• I can be soft and sensitive
• I can smile and laugh again
• I can dream
• I can run and be active
• I can create
• I can cry (even be okay with tears)
• I can sing
• I can be still and wait
• I can even love again 

So, I challenge you to develop a place of stillness and focus on what God wants to add into your life, which is the basis of Psalm 46:10. Furthermore, may you seek a place of raphah and release any resentment or fear or hesitation or hurt in the process of letting go. 

So, what are you gaining today as you let go?

With a heart filled with raphah,

Charlene

Get Small Devotional

http://youtu.be/SB_Qby9d-j0

Dating & Stick Drawings.

Life Canvas.

Splat…

Blue.

Splat…

Red.

Splat…

A vibrant picture with each stroke of my brush, as the image came alive with each splatter of paint. As a child I’d love to paint and I’d be so critical of the outcome of my canvas.  With time, I’ve discovered that my strokes couldn’t only be mine. It didn’t help that my younger brothers would add lines and re-create the picture pinned on the fridge.

Instead, I  now marvel at the countless strokes upon my canvas that are from those whom have been a part of my life, some for a period of time and others for a lifetime.  Regardless of the duration of their strokes upon my canvas, each layer is built with a multitude of colours and it has shaped and created who I am today.

If I consider some of the people in my life, their own canvas, this is what I admire about their specific brush strokes.

v  His canvas is rough, even edgy, yet if you take time to look you’ll grasp that he is soft and gracious. He has been my constant inspiration and his words hold such power, “I am proud of you.”

v  Her canvas is bright, even exquisite, yet if you spend time to look you’ll understand her heart for the lost and the broken. She has challenged me to be intentional and value friendship as a gift.

v  His canvas is unknown, bare and blank, yet if you take time to look you’ll realize he is searching and growing in his identity.  He has frequently asked questions and recently acknowledge, “let’s be bold and believe with such hope even when it cannot be seen!”

v  Her canvas is torn, such deep hurt is woven into the very fibres of the painting, yet if you take time to look you’ll sense a persistent faith to keep moving forward.  She has taught me to release the past and fully let go, as she daily declares with me, “the best is yet to come!”

Recently, I can’t help but ponder that life isn’t necessarily the way I envisioned my canvas becoming. In my canvas are strokes of disappointment, hurt, and rejection, yet embedded are rich strokes of joy, hope, dreams, love, and even laughter! Truthfully, I believe God is orchestrating bold strokes of his very character through rustic reds, calm blues, and even brilliant oranges to display his bigger plan for my canvas.

Today, I sat and said, “God, I don’t feel like painting anymore. I need to let go. Can you just do the painting today?” In all honestly, it’s time that I let go, release being critical of my canvas, as I allow God to add his brush strokes.

Will you join me and let Him be the ultimate painter?

Charlene