WILL YOU TRUST ME??

WILL YOU TRUST ME??

Will you trust me??? Four words that on their own are so simple, and yet when put together so complex.

TRUST… by definition is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something (google dictionary).

WILL YOU TRUST ME??

            God started asking me this question in November of last year. I have recently felt a desire and calling on my life to enter into a place of ministry. And I could feel God asking me, “Ashley, will you trust me”. My initial response was “sure God…whatever you want”. My answer was quick and easy, because it didn’t require much sacrifice. The next request was a little harder. “Ashley, will you trust me?”…

            “Sure God, I already said yes”…

            “Then give up your position at work…let me meet your needs, rely on me”…. Suddenly trusting God was getting a little bit harder, was requiring more.  Suddenly I realized that trusting God was a choice…a choice that would require something from me. Suddenly I realized God wasn’t looking for a quick response, or an appeasement, but a decision, a declaration, and an action.

            As I am growing up in my life, I have learned that trust is more than a feeling. Many times we decide whether we will trust someone or not based on past experiences, based on what we know about someone’s character. We believe that someone must earn our trust. That they must first be tested and found true. I trust my husband because we have weathered many obstacles together. I have found his heart to be true and full of love, and ultimately because he has proven himself faithful over and over again.

            So too is it with our Father God. Our ability to trust God often seems based on past experiences. However, God is looking for so much more than a feeling of trust. God is showing me that the trust that he desires is actually an action….an action that comes in the form of

 SURRENDER.

(To cease resisting and to submit to an authority)

In my life, I have weathered some storms….I know that they are not all behind me, that there will be more to come. And God has been asking me “Ashley, do you trust me enough to actually let go…surrender your circumstances and your life to me”. See friends we can say we trust God, but until we can loosen the hold on our lives and live our life in total surrender and abandonment to God’s will and plan, do we truly trust him??

            I actually believe that there are two forms of surrender… I believe that there is a forced surrender and a chosen surrender.

            FORCED SURRENDER: Let me immediately clear up the thought that God forces us to surrender to his will and plans…NO!!!! God is not an abuser, dictator or enforcer. He is not vengeful, and he does not MAKE us do anything. However, life has a way of causing us to surrender. We have no control over situations and circumstances that enter into our life. Death and illness are not gentlemen, they come into our lives whether we want them to or not, and they have a way of forcing us to surrender to our circumstance. People in our lives make decisions that impact us, and often we have no say in the decisions made, but are forced to live with the resulting consequences and repercussions.

            Instead, God is asking us to enter into a chosen surrender. A place of knowing that no matter what obstacles or painful circumstances we face, God is there for us, lovingly holding us, walking with us, and has the ultimate say over our future. Because once we understand and realize this, than there is no fear in letting go, in surrendering our hearts and lives to our Father.

Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”.

            I think sometimes as Christians we foolishly allow ourselves to misunderstand this declaration by our Father. We want to believe and therefore allow ourselves to believe that it means that life will be easy, pain free, without difficult trials and circumstances. If this is your thought friend, than you have mistaken, it is actually quite the opposite. Jesus says in John 16:33 “In this World you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the World!”

“In this World you will have trouble”

            The words YOU WILL are not a possibility, a happen chance or a maybe…They are a guarantee. You will have trouble, there will be pain, there will be heart ache….But even with these guarantee’s we can still be confident in surrendering to our Father. Why?

“And we know that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

            IN ALL THINGS….In sickness, death, pain, uncertainty, confusion, loneliness and anything else that the World will throw at us…God works for THE GOOD of those who love him. Paul actually says in Ephesians 3:20 “now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine”. God can do more than good and even more than great in our lives when we surrender ourselves to him.

I have waited a very long time to write this blog. Why? Because coming to a place of surrender in my life is actually the hardest thing that I have ever done. Nobody wants pain or challenging circumstances in their life, actually we would do anything to avoid them… at all cost. But no matter what I choose, pain will come. The only thing that can take my worldly circumstances and change them into something beautiful and prosperous and good for me is my Father God. So let me ask you…Knowing what you know, what do you choose…. A forced surrender to life’s circumstances that will come whether you want them to or not, or a chosen surrender to a Father God who loves you more than you will ever know or ever be able to contain…

With a heart full of love,

            Ashley

Hearing God's Voice-Part 1

Take A Step

I'm feeling a stirring in my spirit, an excitement, anticipation, for what...I'm not quite sure.

My desire is to follow where He leads.

To trust in His plans no questions asked.

Why then do I question? Why do I hesitate and hold back? What am I doing!?!?

His ways are perfect(Psalm 18:30) and mine......are not.

I believe that living by faith, while hard, is absolutely necessary.

So what are we doing? How are we building up our faith? Are we responding to the voice of God and stepping out of our comfort zones? No, well, why not....are we afraid? Afraid that He won't be there to guide us, to speak through us, to use us. Are we afraid to take that step of faith because it might not actually be Him speaking to us. There are so many things that cause us to shrink back and be afraid but still God calls, draws you in, speaks. To increase your faith you must decrease, decrease your doubts, decrease your fear, decrease your emotions and begin taking some of those small steps. That is how your faith will increase. A wise person once told me "so what if you mess up" learn from it and keep going. I want to encourage all of you to take a step of faith and if you think you are all alone in the difficulty of taking that step, you're not. We all struggle with faith in one area or another. You may be struggling with hearing Gods voice or trusting in His plan......I struggle with a fear of prophesying in church and it not being from God. Thankfully, my faith in Him and my desire to follow enables me to try. Every small step/victory strengthens my faith...my trust in Him and His guidance and direction for my life.  Don't be so afraid or worried that you loose out
                                                                     on the amazing adventure God has for you!

 Take a step....trust me, it's worth it.

TinaMarie

*quote is taken from the song Oceans(Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsongs. I was listening to it on repeat while editing and posting this blog.....LOVE that song!

Don't Give Up!

Three powerful words: never give up. I've begged you, "please don't give up!"

• You who is separating from your husband…don't give up!
• You who is fighting uncontrollable stress…don't give up!
• You who is struggling from anxiety…don't give up!
• You who is doubting the possibility of healing…don't give up!
• You who is running from obedience…don't give up!
• You who is seeking mere honesty….don't give up!
• You who is attempting to dream big…don't give up!

Did you hear me?

You. Yes, you!

I am asking that you don't give up!

Why?

Because I almost gave up. Since, "being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permeant (unknown)."  God doesn't call you to give up. Instead, He asks that you be dependent on Him.  For He will grant strength and inspire you to persevere. Truthfully, "if you keep going [persevering] you won't regret it. If you give up you will (unknown)." 

At the time, he glanced deep into my eyes and said, "Charlene, you will fail in all your relationships and everything that you do until you learn to receive and be dependant...you need to ask." Those words stung. I didn't want to fail; consequently, I had.  One rather simple concept that I lacked, which was my need to receive and be dependant.

I can acknowledge that it is humbling to learn how to receive and be dependant. It required that I stop.

• I stopped writing
• I stopped giving gifts
• I stopped offering advice
• I stopped laughing 
• I stopped affirming or encouraging
• I stopped caring what people thought
• I stopped being creative
• I stopped baking
• I stopped everything that once defined who "Charlene" was
• Furthermore, I stopped hiding that I was fine or simply ok

In all honestly, I stripped myself of who I was and became rather raw. I isolated myself for a period of time and stopped. I despertly wanted to give up, since I felt scared, confused, and rather empty. 

And than I started one specific thing: asking God. 

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened" (Matthew 7:7-8 NIV). Furthermore, "I sought [asked for] your favour with all my heart" (Psalm 119:58 NIV). 

• I asked God for truth
• I asked God for help
• I asked God how to respond
• I asked God for discernment
• I asked God how to love when it seemed impossible
• I asked God for grace
• I asked God how to respect someone who'd been dishonest
• I asked God for forgiveness
• I asked God for blessing
• Furthermore, I boldly asked God for favour

Almost a year later, my brother said, "Charlene, I thought I lost you. I feared I'd never get my sister back.  The sister who was known to always be joyous, creative, quick to encourage or affirm, gracious, energetic, adventurous, generous, comical, and passionate. And what about your famous banana chocolate chip muffins?" 

I recall smiling and softly stating, "Oh don't worry...she is back, yet it's the healthier version of Charlene!" 

To be healthy required that I ask and learn to be dependant on others, yet especially on God. I can't think of living life now without asking Him about each and every moment. Hence, I believe it is healthy to stop and ask before responding; to stop and ask before reacting; and to stop and ask before judging or criticizing. 

You…

It isn't time to give up, rather it's time to ask God.

As your friend, I haven't given up on you.

Your heavenly father, He hasn't given up on you.

So today, what are you asking God about?

Charlene

Daring to Dream

Have you ever really wanted something? I don’t mean really wanting a shirt or a certain pair of Lulu Lemon pants, or even that “maybe someday I’ll …..…” kind of thing. I mean a dream that is buried so deep inside of your being. A dream that you have hoped for, prayed about, wept over, desired with every fibre of your heart. The kind of dream that is so deeply woven into the fabric of your heart that the only rationale for the dream is that it was put there by our maker. If you have, than you know exactly what I am talking about. Your desire for that something gets you in your gut every time. Perhaps it is the desire to be married, or to have a child, or the desire to achieve a certain occupation. Have you ever wanted that certain “something” so long, that eventually you have lost hope, and as a way to protect yourself and your heart, you let that dream go? Stopped asking God for it, stopped desiring it, because the reality of NO is much easier to accept than unanswered possibilities, unfulfilled hope, and uncountable tears? I have. And I know that there are others, who just like me have also given up on their dreams and desires. I also believe that some of us haven’t only given up on one particular dream, but have given up on dreaming all together. Why dream when the stakes are impossible, when the only assurance in our mind is a broken heart, disappointment, and failure. Yup, I’ve been there too.

The Bible tells us a story about a woman in a very similar situation in 2 Kings 4:8-37. It is the story about a Shunammite women. If you have an opportunity you should read the story in the Bible. The Bible doesn’t tell us her name, it only indicates that this women had almost everything she wanted and most likely everything that she needed. It also indicates that because of her desire to honor and care for “the holy man of God” (vs. 9) Elisha, that she loved and served the Lord God, and caring for God’s prophet was a tangible way to express that love. The Bible tells us that because of her servant heart and desire to care for the prophet, God through his servant Elisha wanted to do something in return for her to reward her. This is where we learn that this well to do Shunammite women had a desire buried deep inside of her heart.

““14What can be done for her?” Elisha asked.

Gehazi (Elisha’s servant) said, “Well, she has no son and her husband is old.”

15Then Elisha said, “Call her.” So he called her, and she stood in the doorway.

16“About this time next year, Elisha said, “you will hold a son in your arms.”

“No, my Lord”, she objected. “Don’t mislead your servant, O man of God!”

17But the women became pregnant and the next year about the same time she gave birth to

a son, just as Elisha had told her”. (2 Kings 4:14-17).

When I read these verses of scripture, my heart can’t help but wonder how long had this women desired, longed for, and asked for a son, and then just settled. You see, her response to Elisha “No, my Lord”, she objected. “Don’t mislead your servant, O man of God!” shows that a child, a son, truly was her heart’s desire, but in an effort to protect her heart from further damage, from unfulfilled dreams, she had settled for good enough, and quit dreaming, quit asking God for the true desire of her heart. And don’t you believe that she was justified? I do. Scripture states “well, she has no son and her husband is old” (vs. 14). The Bible has now indicated to us that the physical probability of this women and her husband conceiving a child together was very low for two reasons, (a) her husband was old, and (b) for whatever reason, they had never been able to conceive a child before. This is the Shunammite women’s impossibility. We all see the impossibility of our dreams, don’t we? Long before we can or will ever see the possibility, or the hope.

But now I want to tell you the truth, share the hope that we have for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Physically it may have been impossible for this woman to conceive a child, mentally she may have given up on this dream, and emotionally the Shunammite women may have closed the door on her dreams and separated herself from her desires. HOWEVER, it did not mean that she couldn’t have the child that she had before so desperately desired. WHY? Because there is someone who is able to grant unto us the deep desires of our hearts even when the world tells us they are totally impossible. WHO do you ask? GOD!! The Bible in Luke 1:37 states “For nothing is impossible with God”. Or another way to phrase this verse “For everything is possible with God”. This means, even when the world tells us that our hopes and dreams are impossible, when our dreams align with God, than anything becomes possible!

Now, I don’t want to give the misconception that just because we will, wish or dream for something, we will be given it. My friends, this is not always the case. In Jeremiah 29:11 God said to us, his children “For I know the plans I have for you…plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). God is ONLY the giver of good and perfect gifts (James 1:17), and what may seem perfect in our minds, may be a shortcoming to all that God has in store for us. As God’s children, we need to trust him, and hope not in all that we want, but simply HOPE IN God.  God says in Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and HE will give you the desires of your heart” (NIV). Sometimes when I first read this verse, the human parts of me become excited because I think, yes! God wants to make all my wild and crazy dreams come true. But honestly, until we seek God’s heart, our dreams might just be feeble shells compared to the dreams and plans that God has for our lives. Ephesians 3:20 states that God is “able to do immeasurably more than ALL we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us”.  As God’s beloved children how can we truly discover the desires of our heart unless we seek the one who created our hearts. I believe that as we seek God than the desires of his heart can’t help but become the desires of our hearts. And all the things that once seemed so important begin to pale in comparison to the reality of all that God can do in us and through us as we begin to live in God’s reality and not our own. 

I don’t know what God has in store for my life. I have so many dreams for myself and my husband, and many of these dreams seem quite impossible from where I am now. But, I have chosen (yes it is a choice) to restore my hope for the dreams and deep desires of my heart. Why? Because my hope is not in those dreams but in God himself. I refuse to limit God to the impossibilities of my mind. I may not know all that God has in store for me and for my husband, but I WILL stand on God’s promise that He has not only good plans for me, but incredible plans for me. Plans that will prosper, fill me with hope, and give me a future. I choose to stand upon the stronghold that God can do immeasurably more in my life and the lives of my family, if I don’t limit him to possibility and probability, and to what I see as good and perfect. I am choosing to rest in the fact that God’s promise to me is perfect gifts, and only perfect gifts! “For He (God) has made ALL things beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). My life, my unspoken dreams, my desires are woven into my heart because they were placed there by my Father and Maker. Our God does not lie and he is never unfaithful, it is our choice, always has been our choice whether we will trust him…trust him with our dreams, our hopes, and trust him with our future. I’m choosing to trust God, what are you going to choose?

Hoping and Dreaming with you,

Your Sister in Christ,

Ashley

Where Do You Pray?

Challenge: May you pray in those everyday moments of life.

The Biggest Loser

My beloved,

You have lost so much.  I'm not sure I recognize you anymore.  Where's all that baggage you carried around?  There's so many pieces of you laying about.  Broken pieces that don't seem to fit anymore.

I remember each piece being chipped off, until nothing of you remained.  I saw you trying to pick up some of those fragments.  Wondering where they'd ever fit in the first place.  Questioning whether the loss was worth the wreckage.

I saw you looking at your reflection.  Baffled by the person staring back at you.  So much the same, yet everything different.

There is nothing left of you.

Oh my beloved, you've lost so much.

You've lost...self-doubt, painful memories, self-hate, bad habits, regret, anger, bitterness, lies, control, resentment, jealousy, selfishness, burdens, double-mindedness, fear and you.  You've lost you.

You've allowed yourself to be emptied.
To decrease.
You've given your life.

I see the scars you bear from the great losses you've faced.
Such beautiful scars to remind you not of what has gone adrift, but of all that you have gained
through the undoing of yourself.

I see you my champion.
My warrior.
I see why you are so unrecognizable.
I see all the loss.
I know what you had to relinquish.

You've lost so much.  

Now all I see is YOU ♥

Love your Father, who is so proud of you and sees so much of Himself in you ;)

Christy Creative Dreamer Dawn

For Such A Time As This

For Such a Time As This

           I was asked recently to write a testimony for my Church newsletter, and while I have modified it a little bit, I decided that it was something that I wanted to share with you all...May you be blessed as you read. And may you all understand that every single one of us have a divine purpose given to us by God "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14).

“You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find you in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand”

~Oceans (Where feet may fail) Hillsongs United~

            One of my most favorite Biblical hero’s has always been Queen Esther, for many reasons. The fact that she was both inwardly and outwardly beautiful but strong in faith and full of courage has always drawn me. Some of us are familiar with the story of Queen Esther. How Esther, a young Jewish girl won the hearts of all whom she encountered including King Xerxes. How she was named Queen after the previous queen was stripped of her royalty. And how her faith in the Almighty God and her courage saved the Jewish nation from an evil plot of genocide at the hands of King Xerxes second in command, Hamon. I sometimes wonder about the rest of Esther’s story that we don’t know about. The story of her life and the circumstances that she faced that formed this courageous and selfless Queen that we read about today. You see, we all have a story. Our lives today are a product of situations, circumstances, and decisions made that mould us into the people we are today.

            There have been specific moments and situations that I can directly pinpoint throughout my life that have led me to the place in my life journey that I am today. As a child, I was raised to know and love Jesus as my personal Savior.  But as we grow up, God places situations and circumstances in our lives that will test our faith and separate our faith from that of our parents and family. Situations that test what YOUR faith is made of.

            Just over three years ago, I had come home to my parents to stay. I was off work for an extended period because of a sickness in my body. My husband was out of town on a short holiday with some friends, and my mom was away visiting her family in Ontario. So for a few days it was just me and my dad. Situations had arisen in my life that were causing me pain and testing my faith. One night my dad and I decided to take our family dog out for a walk. As we walked I began to share my heart with my dad. I was confused with where God was leading my husband and me, and trying to trust God with all the unknowns that we faced. My dad said something to me that night that I will never forget. He looked me right in my eyes and said to me, “Ashley, you trust God no matter what. No matter what comes your way, you trust God, even if it kills you, you keep trusting God. Because in the end trusting God is all that matters”. I wonder if my dad knew the impact that these words would have on my life. Or the fact that he was speaking into the days ahead that I would face. These words changed my life. Perhaps more so know as I reflect on my life, then the moment my dad spoke them over me.

Queen Esther knew about this kind of faith that my dad was talking about. That is why she inspires me so much. In Esther 4:12-15, Esther’s father figure Mordecai challenged her in the same way. Mordecai said to Esther “Do not think that because you are in the Kings house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to a royal position for such a time as this” (NIV). Esther’s response is what stirs my heart. She says in return to Mordecai “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maids will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish” (v.16). Queen Esther was willing to give her life in attempt to save her people and to fulfill God’s plan and calling for her life. She would do what was right and leave the consequences with God. Esther would rather die, if need be, doing what was right than remain silent in fear. This is the type of courage and faith I strive to attain, and this is the depth of courage and faith that dad was speaking into my life. It was this courage and faith that became vital for me, as I sat beside my husband’s ICU bed short months later, completely broken, and trying to understand why God would lead us to these circumstances in our lives.

          
          There is one more reason that I love the story of Esther so much. The story of Esther speaks of God’s faithfulness. In Dr. Larry Crabb’s book 66 Love Letters, it say this. “I (God) wrote Esther to let you see that everything that happens in time is under My control. I allow nothing to happen that I cannot use for the good of My plan. How I use everything is not always obvious. That I do use everything is certain. I hate much that I see, much of what goes on grieves and saddens Me and tries my patience, but I use everything to further My purpose. What I cannot use I do not permit” (p.78). The fact that God can use my days of brokenness, that the countless tears that have fallen from my eyes will be turned to great moments of rejoicing have made all that I have experienced and all that I will experience worth it. We don’t always understand why situations that we encounter are happening, but God has promised that if they are happening he will use them for his glory. My life moments happened for a purpose. My husband’s illness, the death of people I have loved more than life, even the illness of both of my parents. Through these, I have become who I am. Today I am much stronger in my faith in God than I was three years ago. Today I have the courage to follow the path that God is leading me on. Today I am able to share my story with others. And today, I am able to speak into the lives of young men and women and speak into fruition who God is calling them to be. Just as my dad did for me.

Maybe right now you are reading this and thinking to yourself, but you have no idea what I have gone through. You have no idea what people have spoken to me or done to me...Your right, I don't. I mostly likely have never experienced many of the things that you have. But I want you to know that through all of your experiences, through my experiences, we have never for one moment experienced them alone. The Bible says “it is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8). The Bible also tells us about God's unwavering and unequivocal love for us. Romans 8:37-39 says "No, in all things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, not any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". No matter what we have faced, no matter how horrible or painful, the reality is that we are loved by our Heavenly Father beyond words, beyond the reality that we know.

            
           I want you to know, just as you are reading my testimony, that you have a testimony to share as well. Your life journey is probably different than mine, but the fact that God, through the situations and circumstances you have faced, is moulding you into the person He is calling you to be is truth. My challenge to you is to ask God how He desires to use you. Ask God how the situations and circumstances you have faced can be used to change the lives of others. I promise you He will answer…”But who knows, that you have come to this… position for such a time as this” (Esther 4:14, NIV).

 Blessings,

Ashley.

I wanted to share with you one of my favorite songs that inspires me to be courageous, and to follow God's call on my life no matter where it leads me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

Silent Restoration.

Recently, we were asked to speak on restoration in the Edmonton Federal prison.

I took my final steps through security, nearing "outside freedom" as phrased by the inmates, and pondered the simple fact that we are NOT different.

From a factual standpoint:

• We both are human
• We both want restoration
• We both desire to be found worthy
• We both have a past
• We both have hopes and dreams
• We both long to be loved
• We both yearn for healing

She picked a machete.

I picked restoration.

She got prison.

I got freedom.

And here she is asking with tears in her eyes, "how?" She pauses and continues, "how can I restore what is broken?"

Isn't it everyone's deepest desire for restoration? Regardless of the type, we yearn for restoration in our lives.

Truthfully, I didn't grasp the value of restoration until I considered that I never truly fought for it before. Suddenly, I was faced with a choice. A machete wasn't what I decided. Initially, I chose to run. I flew home and I escaped the greatest heartache that I've ever experienced.

Naturally, you probably would too…

Restoration isn't our first choice. Because who wants to fail restoration?  Who wants to attempt restoration when the other person has deeply hurt and lied to you? Furthermore, who wants to seek restoration when it seems impossible?

Ironically, I did. I didn't have a machete. No, I had a small piece of hope. And might I add, a miniature piece of hope. It was that glimmer of hope that initiated my steps onto the airplane. It was that fraction of hope that enabled me to surrender my engagement ring. It was that ounce of hope that granted me the ability to respond with love and not hate. It was that sliver of hope that reminded me to not give up. Oh how I wanted too, as multiple times I considered accepting defeat. Yet, hope stirred me to keep seeking the possibility of restoration. It was silent, not the restoration I anticipated or expected, but a beautiful form of restoration not often spoken of.

Silent... 

Silent...

Silent...

In the silence, I discovered freedom and the value of restoration as the purest form of love. For "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Corinthians 3:17).  Furthermore, I was "called to be free [to be restored]. But do not use your freedom [restoration] to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love" (Galatians 5:13).

Hope for restoration brought me back to Alberta. I'd love to say, I've witnessed complete relational restoration with my ex-fiancé and it's mended perfectly. But, that isn't accurate.  Restoration is complex. It exhibits a variety of layers and woven with pieces of unknown in the abyss of time. Instead, my relationship to him remains silently restored.

I flew over the Rocky Mountains and I promised myself that I wasn’t returning for romantic love, rather for restoration. In that choice, I received the greatest gift: God's restoration.

• He restored my worth
• He restored my ability to love
• He restored my dreams
• He restored my capacity to trust
• He restored pieces of life that I didn't even knew required his restoration!

The relationship I thought required such restoration wasn’t actually what needed restoration. Instead, it was my relationship with God.

Do you need relational restoration?

Or do you need God’s restoration?

We are the same...

She may be an inmate doing time, yet just like me she is a young woman with hope for restoration.

Because we all desperately need to be freed by God’s restoration!

With a heart for restoration,
Charlene

Love Came Down - Kari Jobe

If you need a little God time today, put on this song and praise our wonderful
heavenly father who pours his love upon us.....lyrics below if needed ;)
Xo TinaMarie



If my heart is overwhelmed
And i cannot hear your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though i cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that you've done
And the life i have
Because of your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am yours
Lord i'm forever yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am yours
I am forever yours

When my heart is filled with hope
Every promise comes my way
When i feel your hands of grace
Rest upon me

Staying desperate for you, god
Staying humble at your feet
I will lift these hands in praise
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that you've done
And the life i have
Because of your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am yours
I am forever yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am yours
I am forever yours

I am yours
I am yours
All my days
Jesus, i am yours
[x2]

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am yours
I am forever your's
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am yours
I am forever yours
[x2]

Yeah, i am yours, i'm yours, i am yours
Jesus i am yours

A Life Laid Down

I thought this journey began only a few months ago, but a conversation earlier showed me that this was something that began some time ago.  It started with a book called The God Chasers by Tommy Tenney.   It spoke of being ruined for The Lord, about laying down your life...dying to the flesh.  A portion that spoke loudly to me from the book was:  The more death that God smells, the closer He can come.  As well as: When more of our flesh dies, more of our spirit lives. 

I remember sitting on a plane flying from Melbourne to Sydney, Australia with my sister.  And as she slept beside me I read about how I needed to die.  I didn't get it, it sounded scary.  In fact, I remember thinking, this sounds waaaaaaaaaaaay to difficult and way to out of my comfort zone and I am not going to do this. Just as I declined this invitation to journey deeper and become more raw than I'd ever been in my life, horrible turbulence began.  Gods way of shaking things up and letting me know something?  Maybe, at least, I remember thinking it seemed like God trying to tell me something.  Little did I know this was just the beginning of an adventure I was going to be taken on.  

Sometime after I read that book I asked God a very weird(to some maybe) question.   God, I want you to gut me.  Now, I know that word seems a little over the top, but it's the word that came to mind.  I pictured myself laying on a surgeons table as he carefully took out the parts of me that were not needed and no good.  I told God I wanted to be opened up and everything that wasn't of Him, anything that was of me, of this world, well...I wanted it taken out of me.  I wanted to be completely emptied so I could be fully and wholly filled with Him. 

It came at a cost.  That cost was my life. 

Matthew 16:24-26 says:  Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever
loses his life for my sake will find it.  For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

and

John 3:30 says: He must increase, but I must decrease

I had to be willing to lay it all down at His feet.  Be willing to open old wounds, call out inner vows and ask forgiveness from iniquities I had buried deep.

It was and has been uncomfortable.  I'm not going to lie.  It's not a process that was or has been fun and it definitely brought more tears than I'd have liked to shed. 

You see.  When you ask God to show you those dark, hidden, shackled up, broken, wretched places of yourself...He will.  He is faithful like that ;)

I wanted more times than not to just stop this cleansing, this gutting of myself.  This emptying of all I had boxed up and shoved away for no one to see, not even myself.  I didn't want to remember the scars and I definitely didn't want to re-open them.  But God gave me people to encourage me along the way, or I'd read His Word, or hear a song and I'd remind myself that all that I was truly losing was doubt, fear, anxiety, hurt, bitterness, jealousy, anger, resentment, un-fruitful thoughts and really was that worth being upset about?  NOPE!!!

I've had to confront people, I've had to re-live moments I'd had rather not.  In fact there were times after I asked God to show me more areas of my life that I needed to rid myself(internally and externally) of, I wish I hadn't opened my big mouth.  But it's been a process that has been refining me.  It's made me see more clearly who my Father is.  What He wants for me, what His promises are and that no matter what, He loves me and won't ever give up on me.  

I'm still being "gutted" and it is getting easier.  I'm learning so much about myself, about my Father.  I've become more aware of the areas in my life that I need to take out and move on from.  I've realized that though the laying down of life can be difficult, the reward is so very much worth it.   I'm beginning to hear my Fathers heart.  I see the woman I can be through His eyes.  I see only the life laid before me that is full of dreams, hope, love, peace, joy freedom and a steady stream of faithfulness to carry me through the storms that may lay ahead. 

Laying down your life, allowing God to gut you, empty you out, is not always going to be an easy thing to do. But the end result is a life that is built upon a firm foundation.  It is a life that is filled with thanksgiving and peace, a life that in the midst of the emptying, you hear your Father's voice whisper...you can do it...I am here, I will never leave you or forsake you. 

My prayer for you all, whatever stage you are at in life.  Is that you will allow God to heal and remove any pieces of yourself that you may be clinging to that are not of Him.   That you'd allow Him to refine, mold and transform your life.  It is a story(of your life) that has a most beautiful ending.   

Love always,

Christy Creative Dreamer Dawn

 I love this song: