A Life Laid Down

I thought this journey began only a few months ago, but a conversation earlier showed me that this was something that began some time ago.  It started with a book called The God Chasers by Tommy Tenney.   It spoke of being ruined for The Lord, about laying down your life...dying to the flesh.  A portion that spoke loudly to me from the book was:  The more death that God smells, the closer He can come.  As well as: When more of our flesh dies, more of our spirit lives. 

I remember sitting on a plane flying from Melbourne to Sydney, Australia with my sister.  And as she slept beside me I read about how I needed to die.  I didn't get it, it sounded scary.  In fact, I remember thinking, this sounds waaaaaaaaaaaay to difficult and way to out of my comfort zone and I am not going to do this. Just as I declined this invitation to journey deeper and become more raw than I'd ever been in my life, horrible turbulence began.  Gods way of shaking things up and letting me know something?  Maybe, at least, I remember thinking it seemed like God trying to tell me something.  Little did I know this was just the beginning of an adventure I was going to be taken on.  

Sometime after I read that book I asked God a very weird(to some maybe) question.   God, I want you to gut me.  Now, I know that word seems a little over the top, but it's the word that came to mind.  I pictured myself laying on a surgeons table as he carefully took out the parts of me that were not needed and no good.  I told God I wanted to be opened up and everything that wasn't of Him, anything that was of me, of this world, well...I wanted it taken out of me.  I wanted to be completely emptied so I could be fully and wholly filled with Him. 

It came at a cost.  That cost was my life. 

Matthew 16:24-26 says:  Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever
loses his life for my sake will find it.  For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

and

John 3:30 says: He must increase, but I must decrease

I had to be willing to lay it all down at His feet.  Be willing to open old wounds, call out inner vows and ask forgiveness from iniquities I had buried deep.

It was and has been uncomfortable.  I'm not going to lie.  It's not a process that was or has been fun and it definitely brought more tears than I'd have liked to shed. 

You see.  When you ask God to show you those dark, hidden, shackled up, broken, wretched places of yourself...He will.  He is faithful like that ;)

I wanted more times than not to just stop this cleansing, this gutting of myself.  This emptying of all I had boxed up and shoved away for no one to see, not even myself.  I didn't want to remember the scars and I definitely didn't want to re-open them.  But God gave me people to encourage me along the way, or I'd read His Word, or hear a song and I'd remind myself that all that I was truly losing was doubt, fear, anxiety, hurt, bitterness, jealousy, anger, resentment, un-fruitful thoughts and really was that worth being upset about?  NOPE!!!

I've had to confront people, I've had to re-live moments I'd had rather not.  In fact there were times after I asked God to show me more areas of my life that I needed to rid myself(internally and externally) of, I wish I hadn't opened my big mouth.  But it's been a process that has been refining me.  It's made me see more clearly who my Father is.  What He wants for me, what His promises are and that no matter what, He loves me and won't ever give up on me.  

I'm still being "gutted" and it is getting easier.  I'm learning so much about myself, about my Father.  I've become more aware of the areas in my life that I need to take out and move on from.  I've realized that though the laying down of life can be difficult, the reward is so very much worth it.   I'm beginning to hear my Fathers heart.  I see the woman I can be through His eyes.  I see only the life laid before me that is full of dreams, hope, love, peace, joy freedom and a steady stream of faithfulness to carry me through the storms that may lay ahead. 

Laying down your life, allowing God to gut you, empty you out, is not always going to be an easy thing to do. But the end result is a life that is built upon a firm foundation.  It is a life that is filled with thanksgiving and peace, a life that in the midst of the emptying, you hear your Father's voice whisper...you can do it...I am here, I will never leave you or forsake you. 

My prayer for you all, whatever stage you are at in life.  Is that you will allow God to heal and remove any pieces of yourself that you may be clinging to that are not of Him.   That you'd allow Him to refine, mold and transform your life.  It is a story(of your life) that has a most beautiful ending.   

Love always,

Christy Creative Dreamer Dawn

 I love this song: